What it means to be a roleplayer

(It’s important to say that during the time I wrote this, I underwent a transformation so to speak. I began to write, venting my familiar frustrations, but as the week progressed and I tried to get my mind together, something wonderful changed. So the beginning is a bit dark, but it certainly ends on a happy note and realization.)

When I first started playing Second Life Gor, I could not understand why people made such a big deal between being a lifestyler and a roleplayer. My line of thought being that what I did in the world, roleplay, really didn’t affect what others did if they were lifestylers, and what they did behind the screen, really had no affect on what I did on and off the screen.

I still think this is true, but the problem isn’t what other people do… it’s with the particular Master you are with. Most Masters have many girls, it’s expected, and that itself is not the problem. The problem, I feel, is when most of the girls on the chain are lifestylers, pledging themselves on and off screen, yet another girl does not do such a thing and only roleplays.

Now don’t get me wrong, it can work out. But it never feels as real in this situation. At least in my experience I somehow had the sense that I was ignored. Sometimes even neglected due to the fact that I refused to cross that OOC line.

One in particular, would dangle even the smallest things in front of my face, branding, piercing, making me his first girl on the condition that I would cross that line. Now, he has his way and I have mine. I don’t say it in spite, but the moment I began to figure out what was going on, I truly began to realize what a problem it can be.

My second Master had a much more difficult problem I think. Sure the first wasn’t exactly what most would call moral, but at least he was clear about it. The second wished not to create favorites, but due to the fact that one girl was his real life partner or love interest, one who was fairly insecure about losing that favor, there was a very delicate line that had to be established where it was clear that I was nothing more than a roleplayer. This is fine and well, I think I might have repeated it at least once every day to insure those around me I had no greater aspirations, but it somehow put up a barrier. The idea that I had to be second, that I had to be shown less attention, that I had to ‘know my place’. At one point, when I asked to be restricted, it caused more of a fuss then I knew or even imagined such a simple thing could cause. And simply because I seemed to imply through asking that I wanted to be equal. (Though this was not the reason, and no I wont speak of it. It’s rather personal and might cause more drama than I really care for)

So it’s easy to say I eventually left that situation too. And then I came across Master B. A lot doubted it would work out, even I was frightened by the comments I had received by friends, he was a lifestyler after all, and I a roleplayer. But it quickly became very clear that he had the same thoughts as I did, what happens in SL, stays in SL. But at the same time he always encouraged my to simply be myself in those OOC moments, respecting that I am not exactly as submissive as… well some people, but loving my outspokenness when the time was appropriate.

Unfortunately he has been away due to illness compounded by computer problems, and I had to return to the man who has been my Master before. And I’ll be completely honest, I was scared and skeptical that this would work out.

And to be even more honest the first few days, it didn’t seem like it would. My fears becoming reality as I awkwardly hid out, not knowing what to talk about or do since I was just a roleplayer.

And then I made a leap, B liked the OOC me, and there’s really no reason to hide it. I’d love to say I consciously thought this, but it sort of happened and I rationalized it later. It was started on my Master’s part, a little tit for tat if you will. And now, I can truly say I understand, that is the true beauty of it, the ability to understand one another, after all we all play Gor for particular reasons, the more I dig the more I find it’s not just as simple as ‘I like it’. There’s usually some outside force that pushes us to yearn for total domination, or total submission. And once we can understand what that force is, then we can better respect one another, feeling a deeper sense of compassion, and a higher level of trust.

And now that I’ve made that same small step, I feel more a part of the chain, more than I have in a long time. IC I’m still essie, maybe even a little bit more so now that I feel more comfortable, and OOC I feel free to say what is on my mind, even little things that make no difference, but they’ll be listened too none the less, and more importantly I wont be punished or neglected for being a bit more reluctant to be personal like my lifestyle sisters.

And after working on this for over a week, during the change, I’ve come to a conclusion. For rper’s it’s fine (most of the time) to let that little glimmer of OOC show. It takes finding the right Master who can respect that, but you need to give everyone a chance to at least be your friend so that you can be as close as possible IC.

So for all the roleplayers out there, who share the chain of a lifestyler, if you decide you trust your Master enough, then let them get to know a little bit about you. I still don’t feel like I’ve lost any privacy in my small emissions of truth, that I’m being forced to tell more, I just feel like I can have a closer friend. After all, it’s hard to show care for someone who blatantly asks not to know you.

Speaking with Freya

Last week I received an IM from a girl, who I recalled that she attended my discussion on jealousy within the chains. Apparently my discussion had enough of an affect on her for her to come to me and ask my advice when she became First Girl of her city.

I found this touching, and it gave me hope. But it also got me thinking. What makes a good FG? It relates in the same ways a lot of cities are either failing or succeeding in, social capitol (oh yes I am a Putnam junkie).

I find that the biggest fault within cities, is the FG doesn’t seem to care. In some she was intangible, even when I myself was a city slave some never spoke to me, offered lessons, or asked for a friend card. She was more interested in being surrounded by a close knit group of friends and her Master. But this is not how a city can function. Slavers are, and should be, rare to give lessons. So then who? Well obviously the FG.

Some cities I lived in, was able to do this. In some ways, she gave a lesson once a week, you were expected to go, if you did not, then she sent you a log. And the world spun on, but even this I advised Freya (the girl who spoke to me) against.

In this type of teaching style, I felt dissuaded to come. It would just be a bunch of girls, who were all learning at different levels, some with slight challenges in speaking and understanding english, some who just understood things differently, and so on and so forth. And so, I felt that I had just wasted my time, and even the girl who asked the most questions out of any one in those particular kinds of lessons still in all likelihood walked away feeling unsatisfied.

But the personal lessons, now those were something. It builds a trust, the idea that this lesson is going to be just for you. We will move at your pace, you can ask what ever you want, and the trainer’s focus is entirely on you. I’m sorry to say I myself have never experienced such a lesson, before I came to Second Life I had mostly trained myself (incorrectly in many ways) but still I’ve never actually had a formal lesson where I felt like I learned something about Gor. But after trying both teaching styles, I’ve found the girls I pull aside privately were overall happier, and more confident in their ability.

Freya replied, after I discussed the pros of private teaching, and agreed, adding that she wants to be there for the girls as I had described. Which brings me to the second point, trust is worth gold in Second Life. Coming back to social capitol, if the girls have someone higher up to trust, someone who has influence, they feel more able to take part, to give ideas, and hopefully participate as much as their real life will allow. A girl who may have the best idea for an event may never say anything if she doesn’t trust anyone to spread the idea and get it done. And so these private lessons encourage a level of trust that a public lesson, at least in my experience, has never developed.

But there is a problem, and this may be because since I’ve changed my methods, I have moved to a less populated city. Now in Hellenos’s defense we’ve hit a lot of current, people leaving, illness, computer failures, and given all of that… we still survived and are beginning to turn the boat around and head forward again, and that gives me a lot of hope. In most cities, most would have jumped off by now and swam for safer shores, but then again that’s what I like about Islanders, they can be as tough as us children of the desert if they put their mind to it But there is something I sense in the water, and am currently working on trying to find a proper way to fix it.

The girls may all trust me, but there is a certainly level of ambiguity amongst each other. In previous cities I always had a city slave chat, where once a day I’d give a lesson OOCly and people were free to ask what they wanted. I didn’t propose this idea again because I scorned my old teachings, finding them misinformed, and I associated this with the chat. But now I kind of miss the aspect of it, talking once a day, at times even being silly, but at least once a day we made an effort to talk to one another.

The current slave chat, or really any of the chats in Hellenos are rarely used, and only for short blips if they are used at all. And I’d like to reverse that if at all possible. Make people feel comfortable to talk to one another again, sometimes just for the heck of it if nothing else. I’m still contemplating how I would do this, there’s a delicate line between being constructional and being silly, unfortunately we slip into the latter mode much too often.

Patience and Praise

Two topics that I believe go hand in hand. Patience and praise.

Why do girls become impatient when waiting for a Master, or even when waiting long amounts of time to their Master? The answer, in most cases, is obvious. They need to feel praised and loved from their Master.

A friend, who in this blog will be named Otto, was speaking to a girl in Hellenos, giving her one of his more philosophical lessons. And it eventually came down to how a girl should find validation, happiness, as a slave.

[22:36] Otto: It frees one to seek happiness in the only place where it can truly come from: within.
[22:37] Otto: If one seeks happiness through the validation of others, for instance, as a slave, one would be unhappy to be owned by a relatively unsociable owner.
[22:38] Otto: Because …. one thing the slave would lack is company.
[22:38] Maria nods and adds, “whereas if the happiness comes from within as you say, Master, the slave could live with any owner?”
[22:38] Otto: That is not to say that opportunities for such validation are lost to the slave. They are just less common.
[22:39] Maria frowns a little, “Master, do you also mean that a girl’s validation does not come from her Master or Mistress?”
[22:39] Otto: I think there’s a difference between “live with” and “be happy with”.
[22:39] Otto: The first, certainly.
[22:39] Otto: The second is more complex.
[22:41] Otto: Just as there are complementary pairings of fine granularity in nature, there are such in the relationship between owner and slave.
[22:42] Otto: A slave’s validation, to address your point, comes from how well she serves her owner.
[22:43] Otto: Not necessarily from her owner themselves. The owner could be indifferent, or perhaps even cruel.
[22:43] Otto: But the slave that serves that owner well is a good slave.
[22:44] Otto: However “serving well” is often a characteristic that an egotistical slave will try to self-define.
[22:44] Otto: That is a mistake.
[22:46] Otto: The definition of “serving well” doesn’t really come from either owner or slave. It is … something intrinsic, in my view.
[22:47] Maria’s brow creases momentarily, then clears “and it is unique to each slave, Master”
[22:47] Otto: It has its own qualitative measurements, and as such, it is something that rings a bell within the slave as if to say “be proud, you have done well this time”
[22:48] Otto: … or “you should be ashamed of yourself” … or even “Hmm… you need to improve that”.
[22:49] Otto: In a sense, it is something that measures itself against some unseen touchstone within your being, and lets you know the result.

There is a lot of truth in this. If girls weren’t always seeking the ‘yes you’re a good girl’ praise from their Master, there wouldn’t be so much unhappiness and spoiled behavior. Girls would be more productive, to continue to validate themselves to themselves. But even on a more indirect level, the temptation to create an alt would disappear altogether. The most common justification I’ve heard for alts is that ‘my Master didn’t pay enough attention to me’. But if more girls followed Otto’s advice, they’d see the fallacy in this line of thought.

A girl is, yes, fully submitted to her Master, but above that she has submitted to the fire within her that makes her want to be a slave. Not just her, but the person behind the screen. So it would only make sense that though you seek happiness from your Master, you can not rely on it. You can not cut off that fire, let it burn out so that it can not keep you warm when your Master’s furs are empty. You need to learn to keep it fueled, to serve even more passionately. Even if it is just doing chores. Sure, there’s no one there to pet your head, to throw candies at you, or to tell you how proud they are, actually I lied. There is one person, and that is you.

At one point, I had been referred to (jokingly) as princess. And I was horrified, after a few days I went to my previous Master, we’ll call him B, and asked if I was a horrible princess kajira. And he laughed and said no and he had a test. “Let’s say you did something bad essie, and you hadn’t been punished yet. What would you do?” “Well I’d feel awful, and I’d beg for your forgiveness and a way to make it better, be it punishment or something else.” “And that’s why you’re not a princess.” And he was right, his point being that I wouldn’t be indignant, but it relates to what Otto was saying, a girl knows within her self what is wrong and right, or what she has done well or poorly, and that gauge needs to always be measuring, even if a Master is not watching.

And a few might be willing to point out that my actions contradict my words. After all I recently left my Master because he was gone, and I’ve threatened to leave in the past because he was MIA. (Though that’s only the tip of the iceberg on that particular situation. And I don’t care to delve in deeper at the moment.) But in both cases I waited at least a month. And not just a month, but a month with absolutely no contact, not in SL and not in emails. And I’ll be perfectly honest, the temptation to create an alt was overwhelming. In fact, I’m not really sure what kept me from doing it, beyond the fact that I was determined to prove that I could hold on. But for all intents and purposes, I was not owned.

So a girl must provide her own wood for the fire, a Master provides the oxygen for the fire to breath and burn brightly in. You can’t have one without the other, but you must keep a balance on both. Too much fire, and the girl burns too quickly and too hot, leaving nothing but ash when it’s all done, too much oxygen and the fire multiplies too quickly, consuming all in its path.

The Three Levels of Second Life Gor

I’ve been on second life for over a year now, and the First Girl of many cities. And when I think back on it, I cringe at the thought of some of the lessons I gave. There certainly seems to be a certain level or stage that each city collectively is in.

The first being the typical panther/merc level. People tend to not really care about what happened in the books, though often they proclaim differently, and the focus tends to be on the fighting. Even cities that couldn’t possibly have panthers due to their geographic locations will often send out such notices as ‘panthers recruiting!’.
What I find most interesting in this sort of category, is the complaints of the kajirae. While the men are out having their fun, the girls complain that their owners are not paying enough attention to them. Of course if you aren’t at this level, the complain seems worthless, and not the right of a kajira to make. But anyone in this level, will often agree with the girl, and claim that the Master involved is not gorean.
Now this may have a ring of truth, any Master who makes it his business to fight panthers day in and day out would probably have a better place in another style of fighting roleplay. But at the same time, where else can anyone go where they can fight amazonian type women and at the end of the day, bring one home?
So as much as myself and others of different levels might detest this sort of behavior, often referring it as disney gor, it’s very much a product of what was bound to happen when Norman introduced the idea of panthers, and then the world responded with roleplay. The only way I could really see this behavior being removed is to remove the idea of panthers all together.
However, since most would slap me in the face for suggesting such an outrageous plan, it’s hardly plausible. No, what needs to happen is to divorce ourselves from this type of city completely. Not in such a disdainful manner as to call it Disney Gor, sneering in the faces of the people who chose this style, but at the same time we need to recognize it is different, that it isn’t a part of our style, and they themselves should recognize themselves as different. I’d almost call it Spartican Gorean. Where the principles of the society are based on strength, all else comes second.

Which leads to the second level. Athenian Gorean, a stage that I myself was in, and many I speak to now also cringe as they look back on this stage.
Athenian Gors tend to insist that they are exactly by the books, and have a duty to teach everyone. I just recently sat through a drink serving lesson, that was an exact replica of something I would have taught in this stage. Ten steps, kiss the glass every time, and the under laying fact that /you/ are the most important thing in the room.
I think the best way to say it is ‘they have the best intentions’. And truly they do, when confronted with an onlinism, such as the bazi tea serve, they’ll say that they are just showing more beauty, and people should be able to accept better ways that Norman did not think about.
Another interesting point is the importance of a kajira in this stage of a city. Though of course there is always complaints, from every caste, you’ll find the value of this society is placed on the girls. To have the most pleasing, beautiful slaves is often compared to having the finest ‘jewels’ in gor.
Which reminds me of the favorite saying of girls, “If there were no kajirae, there would be no gor.” Implying that somehow they have a certain power, a right to get what they want, because after all, they are the reason for gor.
Well I have a counter to this, “There’s always Free Women.”

Now for the last stage, which unfortunately I can not think of a clever name for, as well as one that does not imply some greatness over the other levels. It is simply the last stage, the one that we end up at after admitting we have been wrong, and hoping to find something more pure, but not only that, more practical.
The problem with Athenian Gor is though it is more beautiful, and enticing, it’s highly impractical in so many ways, often turning kajirae into the equivalent of a geisha. Everything becoming an elaborate ceremony that must be done precisely.
And I think one of the biggest goals of this last stage of Gorean understanding, is to move away from these principles. To say a slave is just a slave, a Master is charged with the duties of owning her, but more importantly to serve His homestone.
There’s a certain kind of no bullshit attitude, but at the same time, a bit of arrogance. They tend to draw a tight circle around themselves, leaving the other cities to do as they will as long as they dont bother us.
But with so many cities noticeably turning into Spartican, Athenian, or a combination of both, is this really the right choice? Surely not, and surely something must be done. And not just the usual comment of ‘read the books’, I don’t feel that is the true problem, but instead there is a peer pressure factor. ‘This is how everyone else does it so it must be right’. I know that’s often how I felt when told this was how I was to teach gor.
Instead I propose that the cities that have reached this final stage, instead of closing their gates to thwart off others, should open them and speak loudly, as loudly as the Athenian Gors and with the same passion as the Spartican Gors.
But at the same time, we need to recognize this change takes time. Most people at the final stage took a year to get there, to reach this understanding of how Gor works in the books, and how we applied it to SL.
In the end, we have a lot of cities in gor, all falling into their own category. Some will never change, they serve a purpose, for some a springing board to higher levels of understanding, and for others it is simply the niche they fall into, not wanting anything else. But the important point, is that these cities are where it starts, where we need to look to find new citizens as the perhaps ‘purer gorean’ cities fade. It only makes sense to stretch our hands and offer ourselves as a guide to the lower levels, after all… we all started somewhere.

Social Capital

There is a problem in Hellenos, that almost seems intangible. We certainly have physical capital, a strong economy that keeps us afloat financially; a human capital, highly skilled goreans that know what it is they are doing and a credit to all of SL Gor; but we lack in social capital, that is the presence of strong social bonds and on a larger scale more regular events.
Unfortunately this is a hard thing to conquer, since SL is a place where people don’t permanently exist, as they would in the real world, logging off when they need to, crashing, etc etc… it’s hard to delegate the certain kinds of organizations (such as government, jobs, and clubs) that exist in the real world.
So simply to lay back and let things flow their course, I suggest we implement an invisible hand system. The principles I’m using is often referred to as the large republic theory, a contrast to the small republic governments that are scattered in SL. Now truly we can’t truly have a government, but we can use it’s principles.
And the biggest point of this is to use what is often called the invisible hand theory, that is to use human nature to our advantage. The largest problem is that in SL only a few people can succeed, and the rest feel unwanted and unneeded, they have no motivation to try any harder.
We can improve this in two ways that work hand in hand.

First, is to give financial motivation. Yes I know this is an icky solution, but it seems to be the only way. Or at least a theory that can be tested for one or two months and see the effects (I think to see the true value three months would be needed, but one month would give us a taste).
We can do this in a two ways.
One, we can go to each caste, for example the blue caste and propose a wage if they meet certain requirements.
Each member will receive x amount of money at the end of each month if they meet a certain quota for small events. For example a book talk, it wouldn’t have to be well planned out, spur of the moment would be encouraged in this system. A tavern master would have to have x amount of random events to earn x amount of money at the end of the month. They’d /have/ to meet this quota, because if we were not strict on this number, they might just do one or two and settle for the lesser amount. Setting a moderate quota would set a goal.
This would however not encourage large events, which I think would be fine since the higher up members tend to be more in charge of such things. No this would give the chance for the average scribe, poet, physician, to hold a rather informal event when they see the opportunity, and thus create stronger social bonds amongst the citizens and a greater desire to be present.
We could also imply another wage system that would encourage the citizens to do as much rallying for their event as possible, though it would be harder to manage in the long run. We could pay x amount for each person they manage to convince to attend their event. For example 50L for each person that was present for longer than half an hour. And since most events don’t exceed 20 people, it wouldn’t earn more than 2000L. However, another fear besides this being hard to document, is that they might hold an event every single day, and thus making it impossible to pay them. The first system guards against confusion, as well as not having /too/ many events. People wont try to reach more than their quota, as humans tend to be lazy after they’ve reached the maximum amount of benefits.
But the first one might have too few of people coming, so I offer an idea of mixing the two. Along with the quota of how many events that must occur, have a small minimum on the mount of people that must attend. Let’s say at least 3 people in order for the event to ‘count’. The small number is more reasonable for Hellenos at the moment, and may be increased over time. But at least this way people will make sure to advertise their event and try to attract more people.

Second, the promise of a higher title.
This can be done in a very subtle way. The current head of each caste could announce that reviews to promote people are currently underway and we will be taking into account skill, accountability, and the actual contribution to the homestone. Doing this, and adding the new wage system would certainly motivate at least a few to participate more. And a few people is really all we need to get the ball rolling.

The focus areas to encourage social interaction should be the tavern, the gazebo and the arena. Scribes, poets, musicians, physicians… etc etc can use the gazebo, a nice open area that all can get to. The tavern for the tavern master and slaves, and the arena for the red caste where people can have spars and other can watch.

Finally is the financial problem this might propose. We currently have less than 5,000 prims available. And the marketplace is doing fairly well. The problem is that we seemingly have no more room to add more stalls.
But I also do not like the current set up, it does not invite people in to rp. I myself envision a walkway in place of the marketplace that leads down to the gate, and once you reach the IC area, there would be an open court of some kind where girls could more easily sit and be IC. As well as have a teleporter to a sky market. The sky market could be bigger, and more importantly be more defined. The bigger market will increase our finances, and if we implemented the wage system, cover that expense. And in the end, it might only cost us 1,000 to 2,000 more prims than previously. And with the new building projects, we’ve been more conscious of our prim spendings, and saving much more in building so I don’t think clipping that much more, especially to pay off bills would be negative.
The walkway and the open court would have to be pleasing to the eye, perhaps streamers of the caste colors, well decorated signs that designated the rules and welcome you to Hellenos, and the open court could have plants situated here and there to keep the appeal, but it wouldn’t have to be very heavily primmed, since all it serves is a better place to greet.

Another way to help fix this lack of social interaction is to encourage to close the gap between government in Hellenos and the citizens. The best way of course is to hold a weekly meeting, not allowing ourselves to be discouraged if no one turns up and offering them each week. Allowing anyone to present ideas for events, concerns, or anything along that nature. If someone can’t be there, then notecard what they want to say and send it to who ever is in charge of the meetings. I think part of the problem is that people don’t feel like they have any say, and this should at least change their minds, besides you never know what good ideas might come from this.

Why?

Some may be asking why now, why the name, why am I doing this? Many will accuse, assume, and even attack my reasoning. I know the timing is bad, that many who are already too upset with rage may feel I have the same pent up feelings, even my name might imply this.

And if you already think this, it will be hard for me to convince you otherwise, but that doesn’t mean I can’t simply say for the record that this is not my intention. As a friend might recall when I returned to Second Life, I wanted to conduct a study, an investigation of human nature. And with current events as they are, being in a new city, meeting new people, watching other people change and leave, it’s the perfect atmosphere for me to explore and study these different aspects. It is why I chose the name Thoughtful Kajira. When asking a few of close friends one word to describe essie, two said thoughtful right off the bat. Even when the idea began to seed in my mind, and I asked myself the question of what should I name this blog, thoughtful came up. So yes, I know it echoes a similar name, but that is merely a coincidence.

I’ll never mention anyone by name, I’ll never posts IMs, or bring up specific personal conversations. Some who read, if I do decide to post a portion of an important (and public) conversation, will recognize it. I don’t see any reason why this would offend anyone, I intend to post conversations that have educational value, but feel free to contact me if you want something changed. Once again I’ll never use SL names, so no one will know it was you unless you decide to say so. And if you want to say so, please do, it’s your right. Just please don’t identify anyone else.

But I think there will be times that I do offend people. It’s the nature of the beast, not because I’m looking for trouble, but because I do plan on exploring why people do certain things. Sometimes, (a lot of the time), my views of how to run things, how to do things, are radical. I’m a libertarian after all, and that bleeds into my studies. If you disagree with me, I welcome a good debate! There’s nothing better than strengthening my own ideas, or perhaps discovering I’m dead wrong. Either way, never hesitate to speak to me about any subject.

All in all, this is a reflection. In the hopes that this thoughtful kajira can spread ideas, and even learn form herself as she contemplates her experience on Second Life Gor.