Why do Some have No Respect?

It’s simple really… you haven’t earned it.

SL Gor is a pixelated world with avis that hardly show any emotion and can be hard to read, so some might think that it earns them the ability to bullshit everyone. Well… it does to some point.

But let’s compare each and every single avi as a business. Now, any business knows that customers are your first priority. You want them happy, you want to do what you can to please them, so on and so forth. Who are your customers? Every person who decides to interact with you. That means that if you wish to do well and earn respect amongst SL Gor, or really any place in SL, you must make sure that every person that you interact with walks away happy. It isn’t always possible, just like in any business. And sometimes you have to recognize when you are not going to please that person and just let them go on their way.

But! If you continually ignore someone, even if it’s a little tiny thing, it will be noticed. I remember I once went into a Stake n Shake and waited forty minutes without one waitress taking my order. I never went in again. In SL we tend to be a bit more forgiving, if you try to get someone’s attention, and they don’t reply, we assume they are busy, and try again later. But after repeated attempts, with never a reply back, we tend to look for other ways to appease our needs.

I know that I am guilty of parking my avi on some days, when things are quiet but I want to keep my eye on things I’ll often hide out and sometimes forget to put up a busy message. But I always make a point of replying to all of my IMs to say, ‘I’m sorry I was afk, etc etc…’ and the few times I did not, either because I crashed or I was taking too long to do so, it was noticed and I felt awful.

This principle applies to everyone, Scribes, Warriors, Admins, Ubars, and even slaves. And that’s the wonderful thing about it. But what is even more wonderful is it can apply on a larger scale. Such as a city. You do your best to answer every interaction full heartedly, and you know if it doesn’t work and you know that, then say so. There’s nothing more appreciated than the very rare truthful answer. And maybe, once presenting why you think that will not work, they can provide a solution. In either case, it will promote the sense of customer satisfaction that a city, that is just another kind of business, needs.

So there it is. The secret of success in Second Life. Treat every interaction as the most precious commodity you have.

A bit of Disapointment that Needs to be Discussed

I know that many will know what I am referring to, that’s fine. You all have your own opinions. I am simply discussing my own.

First of all, I know that many of us are lifestylers, but that gives no one any right to trample over another’s OOC rights. I don’t care if you are one of the Priest Kings and the person you are angry with is a coin slut. You can be angry, you can yell and shout, but you can never bring it into IC. To punish anyone for their OOC behavior in an IC manner is irrational and immoral. If you had any dignity at all you’d just walk away from that conversation and agree to simply not interact with that person anymore OOC. Tempers get heated, I understand that, and awful things are said OOC, but we must protect the rights of the person behind the screen. Punishing a slave because she had the gal to argue OOC with you is a line I’m not willing to cross as an rper. It’s a disgrace, and to me it says that you are so upset by the action that you can not rise above it, and simply have to stomp your feet and do something about it to teach that person a lesson, the mind set of a child.

Now, I know that the event I’m speaking about was rationalized by saying that the city was slandered. As a law student I honestly have to laugh at this. It’d never hold up in the real world. Why? Because the trial for the second person involved has been decided that the allegations were indeed true, and slander is defined by being “a malicious, false, and defamatory statement or report.” So in the end, it’s false because the people in charge say it’s false, but out of the other side of their mouth they are saying it’s true. That’s the only answer I can see when looking at this from my own studies of how the law in the real world works.

This is a very scary and dangerous precedent to be set up. Even if you have the best of intentions, people see it for what it is. You can’t talk badly about the city, even if it’s true.

But here is what I find even more frightening, the defense that was written, was also considered slander and she was asked to apologize for it. I know we are slaves, but we have a right to defend our OOC actions, especially when we can sight specific rules that the sim has. Is this a tactic to scare us into not talking at all? I’d love for some one to explain to me why I would be guilty if I explained OOC in a rational manner my side of the story. Perhaps my mind could be changed concerning such.
But the truth of the matter, despite how passionately I feel that a roleplayer’s rights were trampled on today by a few lifestylers who do not make as clear of a distinction between OOC and IC, is that the girl was punished. But I am ashamed to say, the people who made the decision to punish her, were not present, although online and giving out orders and messages to the city. That, in short, breaks my heart. If you deem that you are right, and fulfilling the justice of your city, then you have a duty as a leader to stand up for that and show your people that you care about them.

Even more infuriating is that the friends who came to support the girl were asked to whip her. That is ungorean. Not because it is or isn’t in the books, but because it lacks any honor and is purely despicable. Once again, all of the SL Gor must be prepared to do what they think is right, even if it’s not pretty.

I accept that many may think I’m wrong, that I’m taking this too far, and that I’m speaking out of anger. But my point is not to make this one particular incident a martyr, but to point out the principles that are important and must be respected in order for a city to rise. A mistake was made, but I am confident we can learn from it.

Why We Leave Gor

The other day I finally cleared out my friend list on Second Life, something I had always hesitated to do due to the horrible whisper of a doubt that the person I delete might return the moment I do and look for me.

I still left a lot of cards though of people who were no longer roleplaying in gorean sims. I think that’s the general tendency of roleplayers. You play the game for a while and decide, ‘Yeah that’s not really me’ or ‘I’m not really having any fun here’ and you call it quits.

Now the first, ‘that really isn’t me’, can’t be cured. If you ever realize it, and decide to stop playing gor, then I honestly congratulate you. People who hold on for what ever reason, tend to create things that aren’t necessary (usually in the form of drama). Perhaps for their own entertainment, or to hide the fact that they really have no passion to play anymore, and if they are a girl, tend to do what I call Gor Hopping. One Master one week, a Free Woman the next, back to another Master, and another, a Panther, city slave, and by the end of the month they’ve been very very busy. Now sometimes this constant hopping is necessary to find your place, but if you ever find yourself moving quickly for the same reason over and over again then it might not be the people around you, but you yourself.

It’s the ‘I’m not really having fun here’ point that is the most interesting. After speaking to a woman yesterday, Sandy, she surprised me as to how much she knew about Gor despite deciding to be a sub. Her reasoning being that gor was too strict, that she was interested in having a Mistress and be able to do more than just be a kajira, who serves drinks and dances, but is always just what she is. And to further compound this strict nature of gor, the moment you step out of line, people tend to come down on you with the fury of a storm. The nature of the beast I suppose, with little remedy. Gor is what it is, and those who recognize it know the futileness of trying to change it.

But there’s something else I’ve recently contemplated that drives people away, and certainly has pushed me yearning in a new direction, and that is the ability ‘learn’ you are submissive through roleplay. As essie I’ll never have that ability. Good girls do as they are told, and good girls are rewarded in gor. Bad girls are usually driven out, even though when I took the time to speak to these girls, I realized all they really wanted was to play the role of a tough girl turned soft by a strong male.

In the books this happened frequently, often being the plot or subplot. But for what ever reason in SL gor we are not truly given that option, as kajirae or Masters. So what do we do?

Communication seems to be the surest answer. Give new girls the option to say, “Yeah I’m going to fight at this, but I will cave in at the end”. This would make it near impossible for her training to begin as a city slave, which is why I would send her to a Master who has time on his hands and is willing to do it. Once she is satisfied in her rp needs, he can return her to the city or keep the girl for himself, asking the city for training or finding some other means. A contract would have to be provided beforehand, saying that if he chose to keep her, a price would have to be payed. Perhaps lower since he spent the time to make her presentable as a kajira, but the blue and gold caste is as much of a merchant caste as any.

But lately even this I don’t think will save all of SL gor. Yes it is good to follow the books, but as of late it has become horribly apparent that some have turned ‘following’ the books similar to what some would call a prosecution of religion. Purists in fact, are necessary, but have destroyed any chance for new experiences to the game. We sit, we greet, we serve, because we know that’s in the books. But in those purist sims, what other kind of interaction goes on?

Unfortunately the answer is very little, many events that are held amongst the sims are actually OOC, or attempt to be IC and fail miserably. Mock auctions, treasure hunts, dance contests, etc etc etc… all just an attempt to attract more citizens or a higher traffic rate. Sometimes they are fun, but more often than not, they just end up being a lot of work.

B had once suggested that we had a week long event, for example in Hellenos there would be a tropical storm heading the island’s way. Yes this might be work, but it would be a realistic rp where the city had to work together to board up buildings, gather supplies, actually brace the storm, then rebuild once the damage was done.

But plots such as these are often suggested, but never followed through sadly enough. And thus, many grow tired of the same sort of day in and out.

We must remember, that it is good to follow the books, but if we become purists, we strip each other of our humanity. I hate to say it, but truly IC chat is usually just a bunch of bull shit or ass kissing. It’s humiliating!

We must keep this in mind when chasing the books… it’s the only way to reverse the damage that has already been done.

Loyalty in Second Life Gor

Or rather “loyalty”.

Sides are flipped so often, and always at a matter of convenience. Many might not understand my constant push to keep up a barrier between people and myself. But I’ve been at the short end many times and watched many others flip back and forth like it’s a game.

Oh yes… it is a game. That’s right.

Perhaps that explains the sheer brutality that is often seen in this game.

For example, among the world of kajirae, we are perhaps the worse. Hating one another unless, and only if, that girl can provide a gain for us, or if she ‘proves’ herself, as has been the case many a time for myself. If the girl some how poses a threat, then she is to be hated, ruthlessly, and with a passion until she is either run out, or retaliates back thus validating the hate.

I recently witnessed the meeting of two minds in a joint task to ‘destroy’ their common enemy. I find it funny though, that usually in these cases, people who hated each other can only bond due to hate. Would I join hands with my once enemy simply because we have the same dislike for another? No, I hope not. With friends like the ones I see forming all over gor, who needs enemies?

But there are less criminal acts of betrayal, one that keeps rearing it’s ugly head again and again within my own life in SL. The accidental slips, the knowledge that you’re never really safe, your words are just text…

Is it harsher to me because I’m a roleplayer? No one daring to tell me about their personal life, but what little life that essie has… well it’s not real… right?

Perhaps…

And perhaps I am much more harsh on these accidents than I should be. There is always this possibility, and I accept that… but at the moment I am a bit faded and tired of these mistakes.

How does on prevent such? Who’s job is it? After much thought, I decided it was my own. After all I can only expect others to be human and react in a human way. Why not just curb off this short coming?

In Second Life I see much too often people pushing the blame as far away from themselves as possible. But this is my own fault and I am determined to learn from it. I apologize if even now I seem to play things too close to the vest, but not only is it in my nature, but it has been deeply inscribed in my nurturing as well.

Essie is Essie… nothing more.

What is…?

Ah love…

It’s the state of mind that plagues most in the land of Second Life… not just Gor. The Washington Post had an interesting article about Second Life a couple of months back. Pointing out that many were married and yet still looking for love within SL.

But that’s not really the point of this. In fact this isn’t really so much of an exploration of other people, but a reflection upon myself.

Many, many times either when I was a sub or a kajira, even though I always did my best to refuse and separate myself once it became apparent, the other who I was roleplaying with fell in love with me.

Perhaps that is cruel, that I wouldn’t even attempt to fulfill their dreams. But in the end I think it was for each of their own good.

I was speaking to another a few days ago, after a fairly devastating blow in my real life about love. Essie’s always so quiet on the matter? What could she possibly be looking for? And then of course after the conversation, when these sorts of things don’t matter anymore, I remembered writing this a long while back.
“I want to meet someone who could hardly be my hero. No, rather, someone who challenges my beliefs, my dreams, my very essence every single day. Clearly taking joy in watching my own philosophy crumble at his reasoning.
Leaving me with no choice but to reconstruct a new philosophy, a stronger one, a better one, one to defeat his. And so, once I did this, present it to him once again… taking glee if I could tear down his own.
So no, not my knight in shining armor, rather my villain, who I hate and love. Who doesn’t support me in my weakness, but makes me stronger.
Someone… whom I am never going to find. And even if I did, I’d hate him.”

Why is it then that I play the kajira when my greatest aspiration is to rise above the rules of society in what Nietzsche describes as the “Ubar Man”? I’m not really sure. Does it present a conflict from time to time? Only if the person I am roleplaying with has greater aspirations to own me in reality.

I’m not searching for a Master in the sense that a collar should be placed on my neck. I’m searching for a Master who can shape my very essence in a never ending battle between two polar opposites that have reached self actualization.

Is that possible? I have to believe it is. Or who I am within the confines of real life, not as Essie, would cease to exist.

My Decision

To many, my decision to step down from the position of First Girl, has come as a shock. I must admit, it does seem a little sudden.

And because of it’s nature, many have tried to rationalize why I would leave. Of the many questions that were asked of me, many had concerned themselves if I had been offended by anyone’s actions.

Let me make this simple. No. I have not.

When I accepted the position in the first place, I made an agreement with B, that I could step down at anytime, no pressure. I pushed for this clause due to the fact that I knew that in the future, I would not be able to serve as well as I wished to. And I will not have the title of ‘lazy’ be hung over my head, as it has in the past simply because I was too busy with my real life schedule. Many would be angry that I say this, and rightly so. I can not blame you for the actions that was taken against me by others, but the point still remains, that I would not be able to do my job as well as I’d like to.

The school year is progressing, and my time is getting spread thin and I had a choice presented before me. Should I hold on and milk this title for as long as I can? Or should I step down and allow someone with more ability to pick up where I left off?

I think I made the right decision.

What does it take to be Dominant?

What does it take to be a Master or a Mistress? This doesn’t just relate to Gor but to all general BDSM lifestyles.

There is a general consensus that there are good and bad Masters, good and bad Mistresses. And the argument usually isn’t that the dominant was not dominant enough, or too dominant, no the explanation is usually to vague to be of much value.

A young woman I am getting to know, Sandy, seems to have a certain opinion that all of Gor is inherently evil and will never meet the standards of true submission, (I do respect her opinion, I actually find it fascinating, but I think it’s important to establish the opinion I have of her views now). I spent some time debating the difference between Gorean and D/s, and though we were firmly rooted in our beliefs, and each of us thought the other was dead wrong, I enjoyed myself. And I hope she can say the same.

She did bring up an interesting point though, saying that in order to be truly dominant, you must know what it means to be a submissive. It’s a common thought that runs through BDSM. One I had long forgotten when I disposed of my safe words, and kneeled with my legs open. And one you don’t hear very often in Gor.

Is it true then? I’d argue that it is not. When I was a sub, the Dom I had had also been a sub in a previous life and often bragged that it made him better aware of how to be a dominant Master.

Looking back at it, I laugh at the thought. He had all of the qualities of a sub, what I would call as a clingy dom, who needed to have all of the affections that a kajira would ask of her Master. This might be pleasing to some of the submissive roleplayers in gor and D/s but to me it does not make you anymore dominant.

But does that make Sandy dead wrong? No, not exactly. What I think she means is that a dominant person must be able to understand what it means to be a submissive. And I would add on to that thought, that the dominant must understand, but not take on the qualities of a submissive. Which many Doms, in my opinion, tend to do when the relationship becomes more intimate. Some Gorean Masters will as well, but it is highly frowned upon in the community, thus why the mentality of ‘you must be a slave first in order to be a Master’, was long left behind with collaring ceremonies.

But why is it important to understand? It’s very stressful, I think especially for kajirae, as they realize they need something, and yet do not know how to ask for it without repercussion from their Masters. Kajirae’s lifelines depend on their Master’s in most cases. Not to say that a good kajira needs constant attention, but she enjoys to be near her Master. I find from personal experience if I am torn away from my Master’s side for long amounts of time, even if we do talk a lot in IMs and what not, that I feel a certain amount of loneliness. After all, what is a kajira if she has no Master to serve? She tends to have that same vagueness that a city slave does, not really knowing what to do with her free time. And thus many of us get lost and confused, finding new alternatives , some constructive, some destructive. None ever really filling that missing gap.

The remedy? Even if you do not have time to do much, invite her to your feet, a good kajira wont mind that you are in IM hell, as long as she can be there waiting patiently, glowing in the fact that you cared enough to want her near. Allow her to feel that she is a part of what you are doing, ask her for help, if it is minimal. Give her something that she can focus on, something besides the fact that you are very busy.

So a Gorean and Dom must understand these things, yes. But I don’t think it requires being one to understand it. It’s a common human principle, which is why it runs so deeply in kajirae and subs. We may not be true slaves to gor as Sandy pointed out, but we are slaves to our human nature. And we must always be aware of this.

What is this girl doing?!

I  apologize I have not updated recently, I actually do have a lot of drafts I’m working on, but you must understand that…

 1. I’m a college student on a trimester system. Guess what time of the year it is for me?

2. Each product you see here is a well thought out piece that I’ve tweaked and edited for weeks before deciding it was finished.  I’m currently in this stage for four different articles. A few are almost done, but not quite yet!

3. I have a few things that I feel would be best released at the end of this week. So look for it then. I’ll try to get them posted.

 So there it is, my post for today. Until next time folks!