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Being a slave is never one thing…. it’s not based off of a book, it’s not definable, and it’s not constant.
Goreans don’t really talk much about the philosophy of a kajira. Sure we point to the books, pull up a few quotes, use past personal experiences from time to time, but there seems to be a mindset that all kajirae have one goal to work towards. That really there are only two types of slaves, good ones and bad ones.
Over time I believe that most kajira begin to understand that there is more than we are taught, than we read, but it’s such an indescribable and personal experience we leave it be and let the new comers fend for themselves. And I thought as a kajira myself that I understood that all forms of domination were different, and that no two people were the same. But now that even though I don’t consider myself a kajira, but rather just a slave, who doesn’t kneel with legs open or closed, who speaks fluently in the first person (yes I know this is an onlinism), and who doesn’t follow a strict sort of rules, and yet I’ve never felt more enslaved.
I feel I finally understand when other kajirae would tell me, “well my last Master didn’t dominate me enough.” I knew there was something wrong with that statement, that it couldn’t be entirely true in most cases, and I thought it was in most cases a failure for the girl to communicate on how she wanted to be dominated. And though this may be partially true, in my recent exploration outside of Gor, I’ve discovered another factor. Gor is fiction and because of this, it’s very easy to distance yourself from it. A great example is the silk attire most slaves wear in SL Gor. I am a modest person, but I loved wearing silks which were usually quite skimpy. When my Master asked me to start wearing modern clothes that consisted of a short skirt and bra-like tops, I at first found it very hard because these were things that I could very easily wear in the real world. It was easy to wear silks, because there were so out of this worldly that we don’t relate to them on a personal level.
As I stated before, after casting away with the gorean setting I felt more dominated than ever before (with the same Master who I’ve known for almost two years now), and I feel it is because I’ve put myself in a situation where I can relate it to my real life in a personal and meaningful way. Instead of kneeling in a position you’d never find me in, speaking in a way I’d never speak in, and act out certain ceremonies I’d never act in, I stand, I speak freely, and I do freely, with the risk of my Master doing the same thing, and of course over riding my own self freedoms. It’s much more personal, much more realistic, and much more exciting in some ways.
Does this mean Gor is doomed? Of course not. It’s just that I feel people are perhaps looking for the wrong thing from a fictional community. It’s hard to feel completely dominated if your goal is to make this as real of an experience as you can for yourself when giant birds occasionally swoop down with men riding on top of them. Now for some of us, that’s the attraction. Roleplayers tend to be much happier with the environment because they are looking for that fantasy where as lifestylers often get frustrated and make the claim there is no real domination (or so I’ve noticed). It’s possible, lifestylers attempt to over come the distance by real contact, either by phone or meeting one another in the future, but for those of us limited to SL it can be very difficult. I suggest that we figure out what it is we want, a realistic domination or a fictional roleplay? Once the decision is made a goal can be set and worked for instead of squabbling over how to “dominate better” in a fictional world. Once again I come to the conclusion that it’s all about communication. Imagine that?
Usually I attempt to explain in detail exactly what it is that’s on my mind, leaving no doubt of where I stand. But for today I believe what is left unsaid will speak for me.
There were once two monks who together vowed to never touch a female in their quest to better understand existence. Soon after this vow they both set out on a journey to find a distant temple, well known for the monks that studied there.
Their journey was long and and dangerous, crossing all sorts of landscapes in their pilgrimage, but for the most part they remained alone, their only company being each other.
Until one point they came to a river, and standing at the river’s edge was a young beautiful woman. She was obviously distressed, and upon seeing the two men she called out to them. “Please! Please I can not cross the river, can you help me?”
The first monk scowled at her, speaking coldly and quickly walking past her, “I have taken a vow to never touch a woman!” And on he went to wade through the river.
The second monk walked up to her, quietly, and picked her up, crossing the river with her in his arms. When they reached the other side, he set her down, and wordlessly continued on his way.
The first monk was quite furious that his brother had broken their vow, after walking for a mile he finally turned to his companion and asked harshly, “What have you done?! You’ve broken our sacred vows!”
The second monk calmly replied back, “Brother, all I did was pick up a woman, cross the river, and set her back down. But you have been carrying her for over a mile.”
I believe there is a new type of feeling cropping up across the world.
Internet love is easy. You don’t have to see that person in reality, they can emote, maybe even call you on the phone, but we as humans have evolved to read body language on a conscious and subconscious level. To take that element away from our sight can literally make us blind in our perceptions. Worse than that, we only see a portion of that person. Where the blanks are, we fill in, and we generally project our desires onto this person. This of course makes the person more perfect than humanly possible. But it’s not all bad…
The trade off is something called social liberation amongst psychologists. When the aspect of physical reaction is taken away, we find ourselves more comfortable talking about issues that bother us most. One of my closest friends I met online actually. Because of the timeing and this element of social liberation we became close unerstanding friends who have had the ability to peek into the deeper and more honest thoughts we have. Consequently, in RL we are hyper-tuned with one another. Half of this was social liberation, the other half… luck. Social liberation can be, well … liberating, but it’s all a matter of luck of running into someone who naturally clicks with your personality in RL not just SL.
So it would seem if you have a bit of luck on your side, and you run into that person, that it only makes sense to run off and start a new life. Doesn’t it?
We, as people, have careers, spouses, families, friends, responsibilities, studies, and obligations to fulfill on every level of human consciousness. It would be foolish for us to walk away in the name of love. What good is love if you have no job, no money, and worse than all of that hurt everyone in your past life in order to satisfy immediate and rather selfish needs.
I, the poor college student, who is not married, who has no real career at the moment, and has the ability to move nearly anywhere I’d like, would appear on surface a likely candidate for finding someone online. It’s simply not true. I could write a whole new post concerning the obligations I have here at my home. And I’m not even married or have children. Most people I find on SL fall into either category, and it is such a complex factor to add to the equation.
With all of this in mind, love seems impossible.
But I believe a new type of feeling is being created, not one of conventional love, that requires commitment and all that goes with it, but something that allows the feeling with no strings attached.
“I love you, but I’m not going to demand you meet me, change your life drastically, and you’re not going to do the same to me. I’ll grow anxious when you’re not around, bubble inside with the feelings of attachment towards you, and want to express myself in every way. You’ll tell me about your day, and I’ll listen attentively. You’ll ask me to do something small and I’ll do it for you, and no one will notice but me and you. And that will be enough, because I love you and you love me, but I don’t want to be with you and you don’t want to be with me.”
I find this new sense of love is what we are really seeing within SL gor. After all a slave needs to love her Master in some sense. Those of us who are roleplayers usually reject the thought outright because it conflicts with our philosophy of no contact. But is there really anything wrong with admitting you do have some feelings for that other person?
Of course lines have to be drawn, as in every case. My very first Master and I failed miserably at this and as a result bitter feelings were created due to the fact we had different expectations. The next Master sat me down and said outright there was no chance of a real relationship, but I was surprised to find he soon began to bid me farewell with “Master loves his essie.” “and essie loves her Master.” It was comforting, I enjoyed it, but I didn’t understand how it was possible for me to say this when he had so clearly stated and I agreed that we would never be together. It wasn’t until now that I realized how it’s very possible and perhaps maybe even necessary to deepen gorean relationships. If you’re a roleplayer then think of it simply as rping a romance but make it clear that is what you’re doing. If you are somewhere between the blurry lines of roleplayer and lifestyler as I am, then be clear where your lines are. And of course if you’re a lifestyler who plans to meet that person, then that’s a whole different can of worms, but communication is still important.
I find this new type of love thrilling and perfect for the world of SL, but not necessary. For some it conflicts with morals, and that’s fine. I actually have a huge amount of respect for that opinion. But for those of us looking release from our real lives without losing it completely, then it is time that we became more aware of our options beforehand. In this way we can protect ourselves, and those we love from getting unintentionally hurt.
Yet another year has come and gone, I suppose since I am still a bit young it still amazes me how each year goes by faster than the last. I can only hope this new year is a joyous one, for me, for my family, and most importantly for my friends.
As for this blog, what better way to start the new year with hitting the 1000 page view!? I’m still a little in shock at how well accepted this blog is, but at the same time I’m humbled. So thank you, to the people I’ve inspired, to the people who’ve inspired me, to those who have read, to those who have sent me their comments; thank you from the bottom of my heart. In this new year I’ll continue to write, and I hope begin to read so much more.
Happy New Year and all that comes with it…
Essie.
