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I decided to completely rewrite that last post… and now I’m halfway through it… and it’s very long! Readers beware, you might not want to read it all. It’s quite lovey dovey (what has gotten into me lately?)
Last night I had stayed up fairly late for my Master, getting the sense that he would not be able to return at the time he usually did because he had stayed up so late beforehand. But still I waited before the need for sleep finally won over my need to see him (after all what good is a slave if she keeps nodding off?)
I know I dreamed of him, although how the dream went, I no longer remember. I just remember waking up to my new alarm clock, little Ella whimpering quite pathetically, and knowing I had just been torn away from the loving embrace of my Master.
After going out with the dog, I rushed to the computer to speak to my Master, but my heart dropped as I read the message he had left for me…
“Hi baby… hope you slept well. Get some more sleep if you like. I’m going to go out for part of the day to clear my head and to get some stuff done as well. I should be back around 3pm your time, or shortly after. I love you very much, and will be thinking of you all that time.”
And so I crawled back into bed, Ella curling up near my head and we drifted back to sleep before the responsibilities of the day caught up to me.
The rest of the day went by with hardly any notable events, besides the fact that ABC ran Dirty Dancing in Havana, one of my favorite movies, not because I think the acting is terribly good, but because Javier is so amazingly hot and I love Latin dance and music. These two things are more than enough for me to forget the blond’s awful acting, but one thing did ring in my mind…
We were sitting up in the then Ubar’s new skybox. Him, his girl, my Master and myself. I had been unnaturally quiet, my Master asking me in IM what was wrong. I always liked that… he was the first Master I had who didn’t need me to tell him I was upset. I was quiet because the other girl had purposely given me the cold shoulder and cut up my friend card, and though I never confronted her on it, it saddened me like a lot of things in Hellenos saddened me. But my Master had returned, so by all means I should have been happy.
“Do you like Dirty Dancing?” She asked.
Eager to talk, to remember the good times that I once enjoyed with the couple, I quickly jumped in. “I love that movie!”
The Ubar visibly shivered, declaring it the scum of the earth and my heart sank as I could feel the cold trap snaring on me. The truth was, I hated the original Dirty Dancing, why didn’t I specify I only liked the sequel?! Why did I say anything at all? But it was too late and I once more dived back into that silent state, brooding to myself.
I turned up the t.v. louder, little Ella sitting on my lap, chewing on some toy and watching as the dancers moved across the screen with her big black eyes. “Screw that big ol’ lug”, I thought… “Javier is hot.”
In medias res I heard the familiar beep of GT and decided to wait until a commercial break to let him know I was finishing up a movie.
“Hi baby, I’m back, but am hungry. Had a salad for lunch about 6 hours ago. Will be back soon.”
“Good because I’m watching Dirty Dancing in Havana.”
I returned to where I was and then quite satisfied with myself and the message I came back to when the movie was over.
“Junta shudders in extreme disgust.”
I then complemented Javier’s looks (yes I am a bit obsessed), and compared him to a friend of mine. But I realize now, that Javier looks like, more than anything, my Master. Why hadn’t I thought to say that then?
We then began to talk as I wait for something to download, afraid that opening SL will freeze the whole process. The conversation finally curbing to a website my Master had found about slave training. Asking if I thought it would apply to me. I admitted that if I read it, I was the type to try to find ways around the system set in place, a wild quirk of mine and so he said “then don’t read it.” Dread bubbling up within myself as I did not know how to reply, simply feeling guilty that I could not be a better participant. But it was short lived as he changed subjects once again.
“http://www.slaveregister.com/
Go register your avatar as belonging to my avatar there.”
My heart melted in a sickening goo, but I hardly noticed as I flew to the page, signing up in record time. How many times had I visited that sight and sighed? How many times had I pondered asking my Master to register there? How long had I waited?!
After filling out the information, I basked in the radiant glow only a slave can feel when her Master unknowingly fulfills one of her deepest desires. I was slightly ashamed as well, a certificate did not validate my ownership! But the small tinge of guilt hardly compared to the overwhelming sense of… well… girlishness as I grinned ear from to ear and filled out the information required so that I could wave the shining certificate in the air with beaming pride. As if to say “Look look! Something shiny! And it has my name on it!”
But I did fail at being able to fill out one piece of information. “Oh my goodness, when was I collared?”
So many girls can recite the information without the slightest hesitation, but I could not recall. I only knew that it was October. The collaring had been rather informal after all. Once again I found myself in a position where he was walking on egg shells for a new girl. I didn’t mind though, I believed faithfully that my old Master would return and I’d go to him without the slightest regret.
But that never happened, and so the informal collaring is the only memory I have of that. Fortunately I did have it written down in SL, and so I trudged on, disregarding my download and logging in with haste, right into my little Taj Mahal. The Taj Mahal is the nickname I’ve given my new cage. It’s so beautiful, unlike the usual small tiny metal barred cages it is carved from wood and quiet large with intricate designs that left me thinking only one thing when my Master proudly showed it to me, “It’s a monument to love, my little Taj Mahal.”
He opened the door and I walked out, jumping into his arms with joy. But the kisses I placed on his neck were quickly interrupted.
“Have you gone to the M&S store in SL?”
I had, I knew he had forgotten, it had been so long ago. In Tetrapoli he had urged me to go to the store when I was first collared to him. I hated the idea of it, as a noble kajira I tried so hard to leave behind the life of a sub and anything resembling it. But he seemed so broken hearted that I hated the idea, I sighed and treaded off to the store, registering my name then passing over the certificate given to me. I can’t remember if he put it up right away or if it took him a week, but I am sure of the few things he did do for me in Tetrapoli, he did do that.
Back to the present, before he could command me to go to the store, I pulled out the old dusty certificate pointing to it quite proudly, glad that so long ago I let go of my rather arrogant notions and followed his wishes.
“Put it up on the wall.”
My heart, that was already a pile of sticky pounding goo now exploded into a million pieces with a feeling I once flinched at, but now embraced every chance that my Master had unknowingly (or knowingly) inspired such a feeling within myself.
I decided to place the piece downstairs, since the walls down there were so bare, and yes I admit, so that it could be viewed upon by more than just our own eyes. Yes guilt once again tapped on my shoulder, but I brushed it off quickly. To show my happiness I described through emotes how I would have walked, my hips shamelessly sashaying to and fro, flirtatious giggles sounding off as I moved, almost bouncing with each step. Feeling a bit awkward as I stretched out my rping skills, knowing the old forums I use to rp at would shake their heads in disgrace as I became lazier and lazier with my emotes in SL. But when the passion overcomes me, I do my best to express exactly how I’d move in the situation.
To my delight, he followed after me, wordlessly, as I bubbled about, standing proudly beneath the declaration of submission made so long ago. We kissed, and I puzzled as I made attempts to move my camera about to capture a picture of the two of us and the certificate hanging above us, but it was to no avail. I wanted to see his face, not his back!
In a moment of perhaps motivated but unconscious need to give something to my Master, I remembered something I had bought a few days before and meant to surprise him with.
“I bought something for you! With my own money!”
“Oh? Well show me, give me it, or whatever you need to do.”
I knew he was hoping for sexual pleasure, but this might be just as good. I pulled out two poseballs, clearly labeled “DANCE” which made me inwardly curse as I was hoping to lead him on. “Minx.” I could hear him scold in my own mind, grinning as we both hopped on.
Quickly we both began to dance in circles, it may be a mere coincidence that I had just watched Dirty Dancing in Havana and my Master had swept me off of my feet, but there we were dancing a quick salsa dance, our hands locking together, spinning, letting go, stepping… it was beautiful.
I watched the scene happily until I realized something. “It’s perfect!”
There are two things I am glad to have learned in SL. First, CTRL+` Second, Quiet Snapshots to Disk. These two things allow me to simply sit there and snap away dozens of pictures, making it possible to catch the perfect pose. As a photographer friend of mine once said, “If you take a thousand pictures, one of them has to turn out.”
I lucked out this time, it only took five clicks. I could tell as I saw the image frozen for just a moment, and I rushed to open it.
Oh how devilish I look! Staring at my audience with such reassurance! So much pride for what I am, a slave to him and my sexual needs. My skirt flowing around my hips in a tease. And my Master! Such a loving Master! His hand possessively on my waist, guiding my steps, my movements, every aspect of myself. And there, ever so subtle, was the certificate declaring not October 12, 2007 as my collaring, but September 12, 2006.
I preened over the picture, adding the perfect filter to intensify the raw emotion the image, nay! The masterpiece inflamed within me. Working on it diligently as he began to talk lightly.
“I had a blast from the past today.”
“Oh?” Usually these blasts mean trouble, so I squirmed a bit, not wanting my mood to be ruined.
“Do you remember a girl named Mala in Port Cos?”
“Hmm… no. I was only in Cos for a week.”
“Ah well she IM’d me today, said that my avatar looks great and it’s strange I left Gor.”
There was a pause as I offered noise to let him know I was listening, but sighing in relief that this was not another aspect of his past catching up with him.
“I did her a terrible wrong in Cos. It’s funny, I was thinking about her last week. And I realized even though in MC we made up a little bit, I never actually said I was sorry.”
“You should tell her what you just told me. It’s incredibly sweet and thoughtful.” I offered. My Master has a soft side, but he forgets sometimes to show it to those who deserve it. In result, some think he’s just a strong headed male. So I’ve found myself often suggesting what to say or not say when girls from his past that he’s hurt come back to him in the hopes that he’ll realize he has it in him, he just needs to say it!
He went on to explain her story, how he offered her protection, and she handled all of the bad deeds he did to her with such bravery and dignity. I began to think the name did sound familiar, maybe because one of his two girls, both of which I was close to at the time, had spoken to me about her. But I realized the truth was, at that time, Junta was intangible to me, and to add to that I had been so busy in the city of Tor I barely had time to recognize his existence.
He continued to talk, and although I was listening, my thoughts were deeply imbued in the past. When did I become involved with his life? I mean truly involved. Yes, I had been involved with his girls for quite a while, and we did conduct business from time to time. But hardly anything I could remember as want.
There was one thing…
We were sitting at the tavern in Tor, and my old Master, who loved to show me off, commanded I served him a drink, slave sweetened. An onlinism of course, and I’m sure he was aware of that, but as I said, he loved to show me off. To my horror and delight I was ordered to peel off my Torian style pants and bath the edge of his cup with my own nectar.
I remembered it because it was the first and last time I was given such a strange order, but I hardly thought that much of it until one day.
I can’t remember if it was when my old Master and I had left each other, or before that but I do remember him (Junta) telling me one day…
“I’ve desired you ever since that day in the tavern.”
Later I teased him, pointing out it was a nasty onlinism.
“I don’t care. We’re not in Gor anymore, and someday you’re going to serve me like that.”
Maybe that was all there was, his own desire for me that allowed me to fall so easily into his collar. It still astounds me to know I had such an affect on him. I had known he was a horn dog at the time, chasing after any skirt that passed his way. In Tor it was common gossip, to find out who he had flirted with that day. But I don’t remember any specific passes at myself. Well, at least direct ones. He had gone out of his way to give me encouragement, gifts, so on and so forth, but I never saw it as a desire. It occurs to me now that these may have been much more clever tactics as he knew I was a clever girl with a clever and protective Master who wouldn’t let me be swept away by his good friend. And he was a clever man, with a clever and protective girl, who wouldn’t let him be swept away by her good friend.
But still something seemed to be missing, after all, this may lead up to my first collaring, but not really my second. Why was I in his arms again? The first time my Master D disappeared he was going to let me go straight to the city kennels, even though I think we both knew I deserved to be readmitted to his chain. And so I don’t remember how it was that the second time Master D disappeared we never even discussed me going to the city.
And so, I pondered quietly…
Junta Kuhr steals a kiss.
Estrella Canadeo squeaks happily, obviously having a dreamy look on her features as she thought.
Every once in a while I have to make up for my depressing and serious posts with a bit of silly girlishness…
So here it is!
Junta Kuhr steals a kiss
Estrella Canadeo squeaks happily, obviously having a dreamy look on her features as she thought.
Yes it’s Junta! Pigs indeed do fly and he’s changed his look. Thank you Kitty and Tie for dragging his dusty butt to the store and fending us both off from evil beggars like Lieh Nessen. (Oh noes I will be sued now!) :p
Oh and fuck yeah I did that picture! It’s hawt… no?
((Edit: After spending an hour in the darkness (which I hope you all did!) I completely redid the idea in the next post and leave this one as is. I love it, but I’m biased and well aware that most who read it will be annoyed with me. The writing style is different, and there are parts where you might ask “is she serious?” And the answer is “No. I’m poking fun at myself.” It’s a healthy thing!))
“Facts are the enemy of truth.”
The famous words of Don Quixote as he turned to his companion who was asking what happened.
Often I find myself thinking this within Second Life, especially SL Gor. So many times I’ve found myself in a position where I am asking what on earth just happened, and the facts are delivered, and although they are all true, it’s not really anything near the truth.
For instance…
1. I returned to SL, was fairly swiftly collared by the Slaver of the city, a man loved by all.
2. He disappeared.
3. A new city was being built.
4. No one said anything to me. Nothing mean in particular. But nothing nice either. Just silence. Well that’s not true, a Mistress, his sister, spoke to me in depth, and offered to collar me and get away from that city. When my Master returned, I of course could return to him. It was something between, her and myself. I never told anyone… no one asked.
5. I was told that I could be recollared as a city slave because my Master had been gone so long. I refused, instead said if it came to that I would leave Hellenos.
6. The day I planned to leave and be collared by my Master’s sister, my Master returned.
After that… it was pointed out to me that I tried to leave my Master and that was reason enough for the future tensions I felt with most within the city. It was absolutely frustrating because I could not dispute the facts. I did announce to leave, and I did not tell anyone about my plans to be collared to his sister. So the facts being thrown in my face were quite true, I was going to leave. But the truth being pulled from them were obscenely false. That being that I was an uncaring power hungry kajira.
Now in hindsight those accusations don’t bother me since most dropped them after getting to know me. Besides, anyone who makes the accusation now is laughable. This is due to my current situation, I spend a lot of time at home with my Master, although I suppose I do flex a lot of power over the horses. :p
Now this is a fairly one sided argument that thus so far has served me quite well. But that’s not fair at all and I am quite aware of that. So here I am at an impasse, trying to decide what is the truth beyond just the facts. It’s quite difficult, and in this examination I realize how easy it is to make mistakes.
This post doesn’t really have any great tips and advice. Just a thought…
A while ago I attempted to install the Real Restraint Viewer…. and then remembered that I’m not very computer savvy in that regards and gave up after several hours of frustration.
A few weeks ago my Master mentioned that he would like me to use it… I mentioned I had tried, failed, and given up and that seemed to be that.
Until yesterday…
I had the overwhelming desire to show my submission to him and surprise him all at the same time so I set on two difficult tasks. Installing Real Restraint and fixing my LuLu cuffs.
I have to thank Aria for hanging in there with me as we figured out the first task together. (Ends up the current version does not work with windlight :/ ) I couldn’t have done it with out you and I was absolutely jumping for joy when I followed your instructions this morning and it worked.
But what good is the viewer if you have no toys to make it fun?
So I set out on my second task, fixing the LuLu cuffs. I love LuLu, don’t get me wrong, but the updating process… is the most confusing process I’ve encountered on SL. Not because the instructions are hard, but because it tends to glitch out… a lot (I can not even stress that enough!). But after I think two hours, many curse words, and a box full of tissues I got that to work as well.
My Master returned to an overly excited slave, and the fun quickly ensued.
My point?
I’m not too sure if Real Restraint is very practical for a public gorean setting (I’ll discuss why further down), then again I haven’t gotten all of the commands down perfectly. But I am sure of one thing… the amount of control it gives my Master over me is incredible and in the virtual world, where most of the control is based on trust, every bit counts. It’s amazing how taking away the ability to dress, to IM people, to stand, can become such an erotic feeling of submission.
Sure, you can chose not to open the viewer, and then pretend to be following all the rules, but that’s like asking “what if black was white?” If someone choses to do that, then they are side stepping the entire process and become irrelevant to what I’m discussing.
Now on to discussing why it may not be too practical for gorean sims. It is because of the ability it can create for some to abuse the power of this particular viewer. It is not particularly wise for city slaves to embark their journey in this viewer, and yet for some girls it might be exactly what they desire. The inablity to IM, to be forced to remain naked, to be frozen… yes it makes many slave girls wet at the thought, but again it is simply not something I’d recommend for a city slave or a newly collared slave. Good things come to those who wait is how the saying goes. Instead of jumping into this level of submission right off the bat, I recommend that it is worked towards as a way of enhancing the roleplay or the lifestyle.
So! I give the Real Restraint Viewer a shining A+, but at the same time I caution over zealousness in trying to be the completely helpless slave much too fast. Don’t become a victim of abusive Masters, build a level of trust, consider and weigh out the risks of offering yourself in this way and only make the decision after you are 100% sure that this is what you’d like to do.
I had a conversation with Spice a few nights ago about love…
I talk about him too much I suppose because at times I feel if I were born a man, he fits who I would be perfectly.
In this conversation I asked how he could bear being alone for so long. He replied he was afraid of the pain love causes. But sometimes… sometimes late at night he thinks of the perfect woman in his arms as she sleeps, and he feels safe, warm, and unafraid.
This small golden nugget of truth caused me to think about my own life. How at night I have Essie to fall asleep in Hektor’s arms. Two virtual people tangled together, but it means so much more. When I was sick I started this behavior. During the fall I had actually become very ill, so ill my body began to attack itself in an odd way that would create horrible bruises all over my skin as my body literally tore itself apart. As ugly as that sounds, it was the intense itching that was the worse part. I have never experienced anything like it. Simply put, I could not sleep, I could not ignore it, I spent hours in the shower, and it did nothing. At some points I wanted to chew off my limbs, anything to let me sleep.
There was one comfort, however, and that was when I accidentally learned of camera targeting. I targeted my Master purely by accident because I wanted to zoom in on him. When he moved the camera moved, and I was ecstatic (well as ecstatic as a sleep deprived individual can be). I went to lay back down, the screen on and me watching. I hadn’t slept in over 24 hours, but just by watching him move around and decorate the house brought me an intense comfort and safety. It was more than enough to lull me back to sleep.
Since then I find it hard on nights where I am denied my cuddle time. The long nights where we spend our time talking, about important things, silly things, about each other, our past, our future…
It still amazes me, that night he repeated his love for me in such a tender way and I was finally able to return the feeling. The lengths he goes to ensure my happiness. The struggles I overcome to prove my submission. The daydreams that get us through the day…
What’s the point? None really, except to say how intensely I love my Master. So much so that I now find myself in the leagues of many kajirae who write feverishly in their Master’s name. It’s something I felt I’d never do, and yet this entire week I’ve been trying to find a way to express myself and my love. It’s absolutely frustrating!
So here it is… Master, I love you. I do hope we can be together, more than anything, and I’ll work as hard as I can for that day.
I was looking back at some of my posts and I felt the need to explain something… I am not anti-gor.
There are things I do not like, but more often than not I write in the fashion I do because I feel that by drawing comparisons between what it was like for me as a Gorean and what it is like as someone who has left Gor then I can truly understand submission on a deeper level.
I often find it sad that now I feel as if I understand being a kajira with such clarity and yet I can’t truly enjoy that knowledge.
So… sometimes I tear apart at the philosophy of Gor and discuss aspects that are truly blasphemous to the idea of being a kajira, but my only intention is to spark thought, to look at the world of Gor from a different angle, and in the end try to promote a better understanding. Something that I fell so short of in the world of Gor.
Today I had a hard day, I think it’s resolved now… but who knows?
In any case, I went to work after getting in a long fight with my mother. We usually get along, but sometimes if I cause her the slightest inconvenience she tends to… over react to say the least.
So she and I had been fighting and I was there at work feeling moody. I hide out between the bookshelves not really doing what they pay me to do when I over hear something interesting.
“I understand what you’re saying, but please… please listen to what I’m trying to say.”
I looked over to see a young man talking on the phone (at the library) and technically it is my job to tell him to go somewhere else… but I couldn’t.
“I know you had a hard life, I’m not saying you didn’t. But don’t tell me I don’t understand pain. I understand pain.”
“I’m not trying to make you angry, I’m just asking for you to listen to my point of view.”
He was so calm, I had seen his face before, he’s a frequent flyer at the library I work at, but I had never listened to him speak… and listening now brought an intense feeling of respect for the young man. I almost wanted to walk up to him and tell him so… but he might have thought it rude to know I was listening in so closely.
Forcing myself to work before I was caught moping about I heard him say one last thing “we all deserve love.” I smiled and decided to try and learn something from this, so I wrote my mother a long apologetic email. I can tell she’s confused, she doesn’t have it in her to yell at me, but doesn’t know what to say because she’s still angry and that’s ok; in a few days things will be fine.
We forget all the time that we all understand pain. Especially when we are trying to show someone else how they hurt us. Maybe it’d be better if we tried to stop focusing on our pain and try to understand the pain others feel…
In all worlds.
Well earlier I had a conversation with a friend, and at the end I felt an odd sense of well something, satisfaction and closure as I realized I had grown up just a little bit more… in any case here it is.
Friend: did you see her recent post?
Me: No, I usually wait until someone tells me I better check it out. What’s wrong this time?
Friend: she wrote about you again
Me: I’m not really surprised.
Friend: ya but she said she was over it how can she be over it if she is still bad mouthing people? like you and that fake death blog she wrote because Milena pissed her off
Me: Well she can say what she wants and do what she wants. Anyway I just read it, yeah it’s about me. I guess she found my post about forgiveness offending, that’s a shame, I thought it was a nice feel good piece.
Friend: it’s so infuriating! she talks about you taking the position to make yourself happy and then a few posts later talks about getting a position to make her happy. does she not see this?
Me: Probably not, but it may explain her behavior. We’ve all been able to forgive each other and not dwell on mistakes, but she wants to point to mistakes and scream “don’t forget!” What’s worse is she’s twisting every little bit because she knows I don’t care enough to correct her, and even if I did she’d just call me a liar, but it doesn’t matter.
Friend: she’s the liar! all of this started because she lied to your Master.
Me: Heh well my Master did lie to her too, although he’s apologized several times for it. Oh well…
you know, I use to feel pity for her. When this all first started a little while ago, I said to my Master that he should try to talk to her somehow, maybe get her Master involved and just honestly sit down and say “how can we make this a little better?”
Friend: what he say to that?
youd think her Master would want her to stop focusing on it. how can she serve fully if shes so stuck on the past and your Master?
Me: He said he’d think about it, but now I don’t really think it’s a good idea, she’s not ready to act dignified about this.
-shrugs- I dunno but I don’t really care anymore, what was sympathy has boiled down to disappointment.
Friend: ya
Me: In the end, she can do what she wants and say what she wants, and I can do what I want and say what I want and at the end of the day all that matters to me is if I’m happy with how I carry myself, and the answer is yes I am happy with myself. I’m even more proud of my Master… he’s changed so much because of this.
Friend: its because of you
Me: aww… shucks
Friend: its true. you’ve helped him be at peace with himself
Me: He’s done the same for me.
So… kajirae! Lend me your ears…. too long have we been labeled as ‘catty’, ‘drama queens’ and ‘princesses’. Let us shed ourselves of this ridiculous nature. Let us move on and be dignified, beautiful, graceful creatures. No more tripping over our egos, our hurt feelings, our pride, instead, let us kneel at our Master’s feet, laugh with our sisters in bondage, and smile as we serve the Free. It will hurt, it will be hard, it will not always be the most satisfactory of actions, but we must, for our own sake.
An odd topic I suppose, but something I’m beginning to discover as I step away from being a kajira…
In Gor, you kneel, you dance, you serve, and then you fur. The sexual fantasy is that you are a slave, if you did anything else it wouldn’t be Gorean.
Yes those dreaded words “un-gorean” or “disney gor”. It leaves a lot of us chained to cultish guidelines that can be grounds for ostracizing an individual. It also leaves a lot of us confused, since Norman wasn’t exactly Tolkien, but rather a third rate smut peddler who was just interested in making money on a not so original idea. Because of this, one book can say one thing, and another can completely contradict itself. Why? I’ve always felt that it’s because he’s trying to appeal to as wide of an audience as possible. Some people like the idea of Free Women being more cherished, some people like the idea of slaves being the most valued. You can find a million quotes supporting each, and honestly I don’t think one is more right than the other, it’s just a point of view of one character. But are these characters the all knowing authority? No, and we could go round and round with this logic until the end of time.
My point? SL is full of burnt out Goreans who came to similar realizations, Gor can be boring and repetitive.
How does this relate to the title… well in a very indirect way I suppose, although in hindsight it seems like a “duh”.
When my Master re-collared me, he took me to the infamous Lulu’s Playroom to buy me cuffs. After doing so he asked if I wanted a gag cuff as well. I admit it got my heart racing but then he added, “even if gags aren’t really gorean.” I still said yes, but the thought that idea of sexual play being unacceptable stuck in my mind.
Time goes by, and we decide to leave Gor. I was at a lost in a lot of ways, what this meant sexually hadn’t even occurred to me originally. But when my Master asked me the first time of how I wanted to be dominated, I realized that half of it was about sexual fantasies. Here was a chance to try something new, to not be worried about the rules mandated by a fictional world, and I unwittingly jumped on it.
It was and is amazing to explore new fantasies while still being submissive. As a kajira I’d never dream of playing the sweet school girl, the naughty nurse, the modest maid… really any outfit I think would be pleasing and fun. I’d never take initiative and wait for my Master to come home, covered in whip cream. It’s un-gorean! And I love it.
Sex isn’t everything, and I certainly hope not if your relationship exists purely in SL. But it can be another form of domination, and it’s a shame that the limitations of Gor can restrict this exploration. Leaving Gor doesn’t have to be the only answer of course. What I feel happens is a bit of hindsight bias. After the fact you say “oh well yeah… no brainer.” But in the moment of being a kajira, you never really think of exploring. So! My hope is if it is something you are interested in doing, then speak to your Master or Mistress. Gor can never really control what you do behind closed doors after all.
As a side note, the whip cream is from Szentasha Salome’s store. An amazing place! It’s explained more fully at Sexy Second which is a fun fashion blog that reviews a lot of different styles, including silks.
I’ve been a bit slow with posting, I have a few in the works, just need to find that pizazz to make them shine!
In any case, a big thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, yes I do feel older… a whole day older.
And it occurred to me that it would be kind of cool to make a post on my birthday (I’m so mature!) So this post is basically an “I feel like it” post.
And since I’m doing what I feel like, here’s a little something something for two people in my life. If I could, I’d go on forever, but! Well for those not mentioned, I still love you all the same.
My Master…
I love you so very deeply. We’ve been through a lot, good and bad, and each time we resurface I feel like you’ve taken some of my broken pieces and put them back together, making me just a little bit more whole. Will we ever be together? I don’t know, but I don’t worry about that because right now I’m having some of the best days in my life. If we split, you’ll always be my closest friend, and I’ll never forget what you have done for me.
My Spice…
You saved my life, when no one else believed in me. I never explained it fully, how SL compounded my RL, making both lives so miserable it didn’t seem worth it, but you didn’t need to hear it to know I was in pain. You had seen a glimpse of the woman I was before, and you helped me stand up tall again when I had fallen. It’s been a joy to know you all these years, to be close, and have such an unusual relationship. Don’t hide the spice in your soul.
Spice also introduced me to an anime (I swear I haven’t watched in years!) And damn him for it! I’ve been rambling about it for the past week. But I think the picture above describes the oddity of our relationship best… take that as you will.
