The Truth About Logging

Ok here it is… the unmentioned fact of SL Gor. Well maybe just all of SL… logs are shared all the time, even when asked not to.
Masters demand their girls share everything, girls sneakily ask what their Master is saying to that city slave she hates. All day back and forth and we are all guilty.

Now of course the rules say we can’t do that, that we’ll be punished accordingly by the Lindens…

What a bunch of dribble! And we all know it’s dribble, and thus really have no fear of doing it anyway. Honestly, how many people do we know who have been punished for such a thing? And how many do we know who have shared logs?

Yeah that’s what I thought…

Now here’s the treat that I will share with you all if you are still worried about getting in trouble… just send it via email! Yup that’s right! It don’t count if it doesn’t happen in SL. Yessir that’s all there is to it if you don’t want to break the rules just side step them! Not only will we be free of guilt but SL will give us the thumbs up in doing so! Good job team!

Ok now I know we’re all shaking our heads and ready to slap me.
That’s very good! I want to slap myself too. I want to run into Linden Labs and demand enforcement for our own safety! And I understand Mr. and Mrs. Linden that it is a hard battle to fight, that some people could be lying and saying it happened on SL when it really happened in Yahoo.
That is a shame and I do understand it… but you and I both know, Mr. and Mrs. Linden, that there have been clear cut cases where it is obvious that the system is being abused and where you, Mr. and Mrs. Linden, have done nothing but throw your hands in the air and say “not our problem.”

Well let me say this… someday, if it continues this way, it will be your problem, Mr. and Mrs. Linden. But I hope, for the sake of the lives that will be ruined, that it never happens. I hope that the system continues to be abused but no one ever gets hurt….

It’s what I hope, but I doubt it….

Stalkers

One thing that perhaps drove Masters absolutely bonkers about me is how secretive I am about myself.
But it always came in handy, when things turned bad, yes Estrella was attacked but the person behind the screen? Never.
It’s something I’d recommend to all girls and boys and Mistresses and Masters. Don’t tell people your real name for as long as you can. If it’s meant to be, it will come out somehow. But I’ve met so many people who regret telling their RL info, and not-a-one that regrets concealing it.

There are a grand total of two people who know my actual name in SL. Well at least two that I have told directly, and both was by accident (stupid email).

So imagine my surprise when I’ve discovered someone searched this to find my blog, “kay… estrella canadeo”. The dots of course hide the rest of it, but someone actually used my real name to find my blog!

Now the two people who know my name are two people that I trust full-heartedly not to tell anyone and certainly wouldn’t look me up that way. But I’m not entirely sure they’d not accidentally mention it to someone else offhandedly who may have done the same… and somewhere down the road you find someone who really wants to figure out who I am for what ever reason they have.

Or someone is a good guesser. I don’t really know.

But what I do know is this… someone here is crossing a line and I don’t really care what their intentions are. Leave me be. I’ll say this only once; I choose who gets close to me in real life-no one else.

Life or …?

When I first joined Second Life, I had been a long time roleplayer in an old forum, and as anyone knows, forum roleplay can’t even compete with second life. In the forum though, there were no lifestylers because it wasn’t that type of rp. Sure I ended up making one of the best friends of my life, but that was because of coincidences more than anything else.

Then again that forum had no BDSM qualities to it. It simply wasn’t allowed and seeing as I wasn’t searching for it, I was fine with that.

When I came to second life my first Master tried to explain the differences between lifestylers and roleplayers and I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I just didn’t get it. Who cares what I do behind closed doors? Who cares what they do behind closed doors? Not I! Not I.

Ends up, people do care what you do behind closed doors. I recently read a review of my blog, which was actually quite tame compared to others. My Master thinks they missed the point, but I think they did hit one nail on the head, that my views have changed since the makings of this blog, and that’s why it’s so fun for me and I believe an interesting read for others.

What I did find disappointing is though is that this critic reviews their blogs with the lifestyle hill top view that I see so often and find myself so annoyed with. See, some things are just not meant to be read with that eye. If you do, and refuse to look at it from any other way, you will miss the point. I’m not trying to fit into the lifestyle perfect model, so to compare me to it is a bit pointless.

Going back to my first few months in SL, I figured out that those who called themselves lifestylers often carried a particular air that quite simply drove me wild. “You’re not a real kajira because this is just a game for you” was the common sentiment I received. And sure, it’s true. If we were to live together with his or her Master, I would not be a real kajira but these lifestylers forget that I’m not on their realm, they’re in mine. So how is it that I have to play by their standards that in reality have no standing with me?

Now the blog that critiqued me actually isn’t in SL so this doesn’t apply to them. And really I was quite flattered by most of what they said, even the “strange” part, because frankly, I am strange. So if you’re reading, thank you for taking the time! I’m not angry at all, just got me thinking is all, which I must also thank you for.

In any case, I’ve actually gotten a few IMs applauding my attempt to distinguish between roleplay in SL and lifestyling in real life, seems I’m not the only one who felt discrimination for what I did on a computer screen. And quite frankly the whole thing is ridiculous. If you’re a lifestyler, then (at least in my eyes) you should have better things to do then cyber dominate girls in SL. Not to say you can’t enjoy SL! But to sit up on that high hill and say who is and isn’t a true gorean is just silly.

Now some lifestylers may be boiling at this point, I do apologize for the generalizations. Not everyone does it, and those who don’t I respect very deeply. In fact I acknowledge that SL can be a great medium to meet new partners for you to build that life with together. But we all know there are some who whisper in the ears of others saying, “Oh her? No she’s not a real kajira, it’s just a game to her”. And to those who are roleplayers, trying their best to be the best kajirae in SL they can be, that hurts. And maybe that’s the problem, that they don’t realize how much it hurts to have that said. Yes it’s a game, but we get enjoyment from the game and so to create barriers for us is really quite cruel and unnecessary.

So my point? Well I’m in that fuzzy transition to lifestyle BDSM, but I’m not quite there yet and I’ll gladly admit it. And yet I still feel that static by those who consider themselves 100% pure bona fide Goreans. So after reading this, and you still think I’m dead wrong, I only ask for you to consider this; in the end, isn’t SL just a computer game? Furthermore, a game that ends the moment you turn it off, lifestyler or not.

How to Emote in Gor (Or at least how I do it)

When I was in Gor, girls would always IM me asking me to teach them how to emote like I did.

Well here’s a blunt and no frills explanation.

Step One

Rez

First of all when you land where ever you land, rez completely. Some girls start to move around once they see their Master or one or two people. I would always wait, stand perfectly still, and apologize in brackets for rezzing if it was taking too long. A wonderful tool is the mysti tool radar, but it’s a bit expensive (edit: It’s 423L. Thank you Mace for the correction) and there are free radars floating around. Basically look at your radar, make sure all of those people on your radar have rezzed then move to the correct location.

Step Two

Position

Once rezzed move to an appropriate location and then enter the command to nadu, tower or whatever it is you wish to do. I always did it silently via channels. In most collars you can set the channel to what ever number you want, and it’s usually fairly simple. Read the notecard that comes with your collar if you don’t know how. Once you do it’s very simple, my channel is set to 3 so I say /3ecnadu and viola, silent position.

Step Three

Emote

Now comes for the description. An old trick that greek bards would use is stock phrases. Basically that means to have a list of choice words in your back up, it enables you to think quickly on your feet and yet not always have the same emote.

Stock Phrases Part One

Body Parts

First go through your list of body parts, the most important ones are the ones that are specifically described in that particular position you are doing. For example, it is unique to have your legs open when in nadu so the legs are an important aspect to describe.

Below is a list of body parts to think about, of course this is just a quick list feel free to add your own.

• legs
• palms
• breasts
• neck
• hair
• eyes

Stock Phrases Part Two

Adjectives

So now you have a list of body parts, now to add a bit of beauty to those bare limbs. Think up a list of handy adjectives to be used at your disposal. Think graceful, think beautiful, think frilly. Here’s a quick list of adjectives as an example. I encourage you to think of some of your own beyond this list.

• long
• delicate
• pert
• slender
• soft
• shiny

Stock Phrases Part Three

Combining Adjectives with Nouns

I make it a rule to never leave a noun undescribed. So that’s why I have both lists ready. Simply combine the two lists, adjectives and nouns as you wish. Of course they need to make sense, but really let your creativity run wild. Below I’ve combined my two lists as an example.

• long legs
• delicate palms
• pert breasts
• slender neck
• soft hair
• shiny eyes

Step Four

Combining Stock Phrases with Actions

Of course having these phrases are not enough, which is where the actual action is important. Ask yourself, what happens when you nadu? You kneel, rest your hands on your thighs, spread your legs, hold your head high, lower you eyes. So go through the motions using verbs and chose to use as colorful adjectives to describe the nouns or use adverbs to describe the verbs as you wish. And of course an example of my typical nadu is below.

/me melts to the sweet ground beneath her, her blond hair flowing down her shoulders as her petite body moves into a kneeling position. Her pert breasts tighten as she arches her back ever so slightly to be pleasing. Once she gains her balance, she spreads her slender legs, a damp flower revealing itself between her silks.

It took me less than a minute to write that, but of course it takes practice to get to that level. I honestly recommend to write down emotes in a notecard in your free time as practice so that you become comfortable and familiar with each position.

And that’s it. I mostly stuck with greeting in nadu or tower in this quick run through, but these pointers can help with any emote, even outside of Gor if you so wish. The sky’s the limit and best of luck.

Oh The People We Meet

I was in the passenger seat yesterday in a friend’s car and driving through southern Missouri and I saw an armadillo. Not a dead one… a live one. Well for that moment it was alive anyway. It was ahead of us, and my friend called it for what it was right away and we slowed down to let it run across our part of the road.

I was so excited, I had never seen a live one before, but then I guess my friend and I were the only ones to see it as it scurried across as fast as it could… only to be hit by oncoming traffic on the other side.

And it was just so tragic. I burst in to tears and hid my face for a long time. I was so ashamed to be delighted that that armadillo was risking its life. How could I have known though? How could the armadillo have known? Would the armadillo have acted differently, not gone out that day, or gave little snouty kisses to its young before heading out? Would I have done anything different?

Today, while sitting by myself waiting for my Master to return, and the armadillo long forgotten, I received a message.

“Billzebub Zenovka died this morning.”

I admit I didn’t remember the name immediately for what it was, but I rushed to check the profile hoping that… that it was someone else.

But no… it was him, that fatherly drow with his lovely Pixie…. that man I met that night that made me laugh and invited me to sit with him and his family as we talked and danced the night away.

Did I take pictures of him? No. Did I save the coversation? No. But I had hoped to see him again soon… and I was beginning to wonder if I ever would as I continued to play music at the tavern.

We meet a lot of people on SL, and I’m beginning to create a list of those I’ve met there and will never be able to see again.

Some have passed on… some have not…all of them I wish I knew when it was our last goodbye, not an original thought I know, but the pain still remains.

I miss them all.

Calling The Shots

Recently, as most of us know, I’ve gone through a radical change in my own life.

After living with the motto “no fairy tale endings”, my Master apparently changed his mind and decided that he did want a fairy tale ending or at least everything as real as he could make it, and I needed to comply to these wishes as soon as possible. What baffled me is the sudden swiftness of the mindset, and I admit it took me a lot of time to adjust to it, and it wasn’t my brightest hour.

Fairly harsh language, I know and I do understand my Master and wish to find this happiness with him, but what I discovered is these changes meant I was a lifestyler, and to confuse matters more, I wished to try out Gor again and I never made it clear, nor did it occur to me to, that I am not a Gorean Lifestyler.

So a few friends of mine, who were free, began to change their attitude towards me completely. Suddenly I found myself being talked down to, and if I attempted to defend myself, the matters became worse. There was no sympathy from those I once considered my equals, just “you’re wrong… you’re wrong… you’re wrong.” I began to notice it was those who were “Free”, Mistresses and Masters who had changed their tone so suddenly.

Well after a few days of that I stopped talking to people. The problem was that I was depressed, stressed, and unfortunately suicidal again. Talking to people who had no sympathy for my mental state or did not wish to treat me as an equal was making my mood worse, and thus my actions towards my Master more violent. There have been speculations that I blamed the others for the roughness of the past month, but that’s not how I feel. I simply had no desire to talk to anyone who refused to understand how hard this sudden change was for me.

I’m glad I did… it gave me some time to think and say, “You know… I don’t want my friends to speak to me like this… but why are they?”

Well the confusion comes from that loaded gun “lifestyler”. See… I am a lifestyler now, but not a gorean lifestyler. So that means, I don’t take orders or bow my head to anyone but my Master. But I suppose there was some confusion as some Masters and Mistresses began to make demands of me, and even went through my Master to demand what they thought he should demand of me.

It made for some rough times.

What was appalling was that some of these demands and judgments were made without speaking to me at all. When I finally got my emotions under control and began to comply to my Master’s wishes it wasn’t good enough for some, “she still has the reigns!” To which I ask, what am I suppose to do? If I don’t do it I’m not a slave, and if I do do it, then I’m not a slave. And I do understand what is being said, but I don’t understand how anyone can say it without talking to me for weeks.

Fortunately, my Master began to see through this and make his own judgment on the situation. I’m glad he did, but I’m also sorry to say that a few of these friends began to say I was leading him on. Cautioned him to prepare for the worse, took every action of mine and over analyzed it and yet never spoke to me.

Then again I wouldn’t have said much…

Since my actions to my Master have begun to show true, and since he’s stopped listening to the advice and demands of others, I feel as if we’ve been able to come closer again. I began to come out of my shell and catch up on all the people I missed or hadn’t talked to, including some of the ones who I had been so hurt by.

I’m afraid a few friendships have not been saved. Mostly because I have no desire to be talked down to upon by people who are my equals. To be told I’m not a slave and I should just realize that. Or to be agreed with and yet still wrong in one case that had me shaking my head.

And in one particular case I did block the person, and to my amusement it was claimed by he or she that I was still calling the shots by doing so. As if I had no right to say, “you know… enough is enough” because he or she was a Free.

And here is my reasoning to this “me-eccentric” thought. My Master can not control every aspect of my life given its current situation. And anyone who wishes to argue differently is being a fool. He can’t chose my friends in the real world, he can’t chose when I eat in most cases, he can’t direct where I’m going to be most of the time. And that’s ok… things will change when they do, but in the mean time, I still have to keep my head on me and think for myself now and then or my life will deteriorate to nothing more than a computer screen, a mic, and a webcam.

I don’t mean to diminish his power on me, but it’s just common sense. It does mean, however, the aspects he can control I give in 100%. Theses orders are precious, and I recognize them as so and will never second guess them again.

So unless he says so, I bow my head to no one else. I wont tower for Mistresses in my Master’s presence. I wont speak in third. And I certainly wont be taking orders from anyone else. I’m not a gorean, and if I am in a gorean land, it’s roleplay to me, end of story.

And that’s how I feel and understand my submission!

The End of the Journey

Yesterday started off indescribably well.

We visited Thassa, which is a Gorean retreat, so not a place my Master and I could make a home in, but it deserves some mention I dearly believe.

The intro to the sim is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in SL, it even beats my beloved Tor of so many years ago. I wont spoil it for anyone, but the visual and audio effects took my breath away and I still come back to listen to the song.

There is one good reason for those who aren’t too keen on visiting a quiet retreat, and that is free silks. The silk hunt is one of the funnest ones I’ve ever had. Running across breaking ice, swimming to islands… all very fun!

And of course the sim itself is beautiful. Gorgeous. Breathtaking. Spectacular.

The second part of the day, I’m afraid to say, completely ruined the first part of the day.

We had been visiting Paravaci for a couple of days at the request of a couple of friends. I myself had no real desire to join at first due to a bad experience I had a few months earlier where I had called the First Girl a “kajira”. Apparently she feels that if anyone calls her less than sister it gives her the right to be rude, books or not.

But I didn’t see this girl and I actually began to like the small tribe. The sim was well done and a brilliant plan was invoked to provide wagons for the residents where they could make their own home. I found myself liking it at first, the people were kind, the serves beautiful.

But then… when our friends left we found ourselves stuck with a loud mouthed Free Woman talking about god knows what and ignoring out existence after being asked to care for us. It was painfully dull and the moment we got the chance to we ran back to Karamoon.

The next day, yesterday, when we returned, our friends were not there but my Master chose to sit at their hearth and wait for their return anyway. During this time I was, I admit, a brat to another girl. In my views she saw me as a prissy city girl, and I thought it would be delightful roleplay to play that part and “learn” to be a wagon girl. It was a bit over the top, and she did best me by pointing out I forgot to wipe the bowl before serving. But a Torian never admits a wrong! And so I kept at it until she left.

If I could go back, I’d have just been quiet and polite essie again. It upsets me so much to know that my intentions were used against me and my Master in an unrelated matter. I was later on punished for my actions and I offered to make a public apology, but Paravaci was not interested in such. And so… I’ll make it here.

I apologize for my loud mouth on that day. You see, as most who know me in real life, I am a quiet and polite person. I avoid confrontation in most cases, and am actually the negotiator in many more. This is all nice and well in the real world, but it makes for some boring RP as I’ve discovered. I wished to experiment with being an opinionated kajira (which you do find in the books), but I took it too far and for that, I deeply apologize. I apologize to shadow, who took the brunt of my exploration and most of all to my Master, whose honor I shamed by my actions. I had hoped to return and show my true colors, but it seems that is not an option any longer. I can only hope you believe me when I say I am sorry.

With that incident aside, a new Master came upon us and to me, was clearly scratching for a fight as he walked in and sniffed with narrow eyes again and again. Fortunately, I was quiet. Unfortunately, my Master was not.

You see… which I did not know at the time. This fight was predestined to happen, a Mistress had seen to that. I wont go into details but I will get on my knees and plead with the good people of second life Gor.
Masters of Gor, I’ve discovered, are not too interested in rape. Why rape a girl or a Free Woman when there are plenty of red silks running around begging to be used? And even if a Master forces himself upon a woman, ever heard of tping out?
What I do find is men coming on to women, and then the woman in question never directly saying stop. They bat their eyes, fan their cheeks, call the man a brute, but never say no. Because saying no would cause the attention to stop, because once again, men are not interested in rape in gor. Some smart men, however, have learned to recognize these signs as trouble and back off immediately.
This can go two ways, depending on the woman. The woman may realize she was being unclear and let it go. Or she may still decide to cause a fuss and call all her protectors on the scene. At which case, it becomes a mess as one party thinks the Master is a rapist and the other thinks that they were doing what the woman wanted.
And of course you have a classic drama scene right before you.

Such was the case yesterday. A fight started, we were marched out, and asked not to come back.

Lovely.

I do understand that the wagon people are hostile, and that is all well and fine, and actually I must say Paravaci plays quite well to that in some respects, which makes it great for their inner circle, awful for new people trying to learn and be a part of something.
As this incident was not the first of kicking out then asking questions later. But that’s not my story to tell so I will be mute on the subject.

In the end, Thassa was amazing, and Paravaci is a great idea over run by hot headed Masters and purposely vague Mistresses. A bad combination if you ask me.

For now, our exploration to Gor is finished. Perhaps another time we will start again, and I thank all those who sent invitations for us to join, and I am sorry to say this one incident left a bad taste in our mouths and reminded us of why we left in the first place.